Sitting on the couch I am nursing the newest addition to our family.
“Read to me Mommy!”
“Sure Pippi, come on over and sit next to me. You turn the pages and I’ll read.”
“NO! I caaaaaaaann’t puuuulllleeeeeeeez come here momma”
“Honey just pick a book and bring it over I can’t come to you while I am feeding your brother.”
“Buutt Moooooooommmmmy I caaan’t. I neeeeed heelp. I caaaaaaan’t.” throwing herself on the floor.
“Whining and crying doesn’t get you anything Pippi.”
“Pul pul pul puleezz can you read to me?” in between short gasps and sputters of sob
“Sure, bring me a book and I’ll read to you.”
“AAAHHhhhhhHH” the sound of a 3 year old as she tries to mimic being tortured
“one” I say trying to keep my cool
“READ TO MEEEEEeeeeeeeee” sob sob sob, scream.
More screaming and crying from the puddle on the floor that is my darling sweet little girl.
“three” I break the baby’s latch, and put down Sawyer, who now joins in the crying. Picking up Pippi from the floor I fight to hold her as she kicks and squirms as I make my way down the stairs to her room. More screaming and exasperated crying ensues.
“It’s okay if you want to cry, but it is giving me a headache. So when you are done feel free to come back up and join us.” The screeching jumps an octave. I close the bedroom door, take a deep breath and head upstairs, picking up the now wailing baby and try to calm him to finish the feed. I can feel adrenaline pump through my entire body.
5 minutes later: red faced and blotchy Pippi emerges from her room, diaper removed and bottom half of her clothes gone.
“I peed EVERYWHERE Mommy!” A smile as she happily picks up the book in the corner and begins to look at it all be herself.
Shattered, sleep deprived and unshowered for the past 2 days my eyes well up. What happened to my life???
In the past year: I quit my job. Gave up my 10 year career as a nurse. Moved internationally again (for the second time in three years.) Packed up our house. Sold our home. Purchased a new house. Had a baby. Became a yoga instructor at 7 months pregnant. And put down our beloved family dog. So yeah, maybe there is a reason for me to be overwhelmed. That’s a lot of change to take. And to ask of a small child who is going through it with us. My husband Jack, got his dream job after spending a year miserably employed in the oil patch. So welcome to my world.
Pippi has finished with the regression phase of potty training since the baby’s birth. Sawyer is 8 months old and almost entirely sleeping through the night. Jack is still working his “dream” job, which tends to include way more hours than the day has. And here I am, looking for an outlet. This is my experience of the world.