Karma.

What I tell you: I am a certified yoga instructor!!!

What you interpret: Wow this youthful, pretty mom has two kids AND teaches yoga!! I can’t believe it! (okay, maybe I’m exaggerating here a tad)

The truth: I got certified as a yoga instructor in my 7th month of pregnancy.  Do you have any idea what that means?  It means while carrying a small child in my belly I did silly things like inversions where I was upside down.  If you ever want to do something that feels odd I recommend trying that!  Your centre of balance is totally off, your organs and guts are internally shifted on the way up to the inversion and back down, and whilst you do it and teach others to do it the kid inside of you is kicking and punching your kidneys to let you know that something is most definitely wrong.  Not that they have actually officially found any problem with those poses in pregnant women.

This also means that I gave birth before I started formally teaching (friends and family don’t count) and had to wait a good many months before I resurfaced and had gotten enough sleep to feel like I could formulate sentences again.  And then with the international move I am now in a new environment, and not an active part of the current community of yoga.  Trying to break in is hard.

I am a member of a gym which I go to almost everyday as they provide awesome childcare…leaving me free to do what I want BY MYSELF within the gym area.  This usually includes working my muscles past the point of exhaustion, then having a shower by myself *heaven* aka no peek-a-boo sessions with a crying infant, and maybe a few minutes in the sauna.  I engaged this wonderful facility in the following conversation: I would like to teach yoga, for FREE, if you provide the childcare.  They jumped at the opportunity.  Only to find out that I have to be an employee…problem numero uno. Or an independent consultant…problem numero deux.

Problem numero uno: I am not legally entitled to work in this country as I am a dependent on my husband’s work permit (which brings up a whole other ball of wax I will address at a later date.  I HATE being dependent!)

Problem numero deux: I am not legally entitled to work in this country as I am a dependent on my husband’s work permit.  So even if I founded my own company, as a foreigner I still could not work without the proper permits.  And as a yoga instructor…we are a dime a dozen, so the likelihood of a permit for a foreigner is next to nil.

Which brings me to my local community listserve…where I advertised free yoga.  Good idea? Bad idea? So far a bunch of moms have contacted me saying they would love free yoga and for me to let them know where they can attend.  Sigh.  If I knew that I wouldn’t be advertising, because if I had access to a studio, that would mean I knew people.  And if I knew people that would mean I am already a part of the community.  And as a part of the community I would already be subbing for other people’s classes or doing my own studio-endorsed karma yoga.  I think I need a better business plan.  Nothing ever comes for free it seems.  Including teaching ‘free’ yoga.

I did try to break in to the yoga community here.  The one class I was able to find which offered childcare included an hour and a half session of “opening my heart and bouncing off my cosmic trampoline.” Now I’m not one who has ever done drugs, or studied advanced physics of parallel universes where cosmic trampolines might exist.  But I do know that thus far they do not exist in my world, or my yoga practice.  So until then I’ll stick to regular trampoline bouncing, and leave the cosmos to star gazing on clear nights.  And maybe keep my fingers crossed that opening my heart might just be enough.