I have no idea what is happening to me.
I remember a time, back in my preteens when I felt emotionally stable, and had the ability to reason and was humble. Just this morning I welled up with tears reading about how someone else’s kid had won the kid’s marathon she competed in (this was a complete stranger by the way). And yesterday when a friend contacted to me to say I’m just not the same recently, and seem less caring and available, I welled up.
It’s like I set myself on some sort of path early on that just didn’t end up where I thought it would. I followed the path, and instead of ending up in a meadow I seem to be surrounded by stinging nettle and wild blackberry thorns. I followed the goddamn path! So what happened?
In my search for answers I am devouring anything that comes my way. Reading Stroke of Insight currently, I am convinced my left brain has hijacked my sense of path. (It is the side that defines us, holds our ego and provides me with my constantly babbling judgey voice.) So Left Brain as much as I appreciate your ability to help me rationalize, reason and find my body in space, I am only allowing 1/2 of your input from now on. Right Brain bring it on. Let’s be in the moment and be one with the earth (or something). I’m tired of feeling alone and insecure. I want to be more connected, to everything.
And all the recent crying…I think it’s my soul wanting a change in direction. Good thing I am an overly organized/ nurse background/ plan for anything type. I’m sure I must have packed hedge clippers for the blackberries and Benadryl for the reaction to the nettle. Way to go left brain! Now shut up so we can get going.